


A Selection from the Texts of Theon Greyjoy and Sansa Stark

by Anonymous



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: (inc margaery and the other starklings), Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bisexual Sansa Stark, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, but it didnt feel right to tag them as it stood, but they don’t get together in the end, several other charaters appear in this fic, text fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:15:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24160423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: …this is why everybody believes were datingisnt itYeah probablyFriendship is Gere*great like that
Relationships: Sansa Stark/Margaery Tyrell, Theon Greyjoy & Sansa Stark
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61
Collections: Anonymous





	A Selection from the Texts of Theon Greyjoy and Sansa Stark

**Author's Note:**

> this is, overall, a relatively lighthearted fic about two people who honest to fuck aren’t into each other fake dating
> 
> but it still goes some darker places, and i really dont want anyone reading something theyre not going to be safe in reading
> 
> use of the word queer as a self-descriptor  
> briefly referenced sexual harassment  
> implications of trauma (one section takes place after theon has a nightmare, nondescriptive; several implications in sansas behavior, as described more in further warnings)  
> brief references to past abusive relationships
> 
> at one point, sansa gets extremely anxious on-page, describing it as ‘spiralling’. her behavior around it, as well as theons, make it clear that this is not the first or only time it has happened.
> 
> Edited 12/20/20, mostly for spacing but a few lines were changed a bit and one (or maybe two?) typos removed. I am still a little in awe that anyone found this comprehensible with the old spacing; gosh darn y'all

10:01 AM. Friday, December 8.

_Theon I just did a stupid_

_?_

_But I want you to hear it from me instead of Robb so_

_You know how I was going to come out to my mum today?_

_you said something stupid instead?_

_I got so close!!!!_

_I was like ‘I’m dating again’ but instead of going ‘oh?’ so I could go ‘yeah the girl I went out w last night was really cool’ and then be like I’m Bi_

_(a wonderful strategy)_

_She was like ‘is it anyone I know?’_

_and she threw you off your rhythm_

_And she threw me off my rhythm_

_…and I said it was you_

_Theon?_

_WHAT_

_YOU SAID_

_im too queer for this_

_I’m sorry_

_I panicked_

_when did we get together?_

_What?_

_when???_

_robb texted and if i wait he’ll be able to tell_

_Two weeks ago_

_I said that it was on movie night and you kissed me_

_you pulled nmovie night into this???_

_is nothing sacred to out friendship_

_Panic!!!! Mother!!!!!_

_i can’t believe robbs buying it_

_doesnt he know me atall_

_doesnt he know YOU at all??_

_He thinks I’d only lie like this if I’m freaked out_

_Which wouldn’t happen when calling mum_

_right_

_im getting shovel talked for you i hope youre happy_

_Sorry!!!!!!_

  
  
  


4:48 PM. Thursday, December 14.

_sansa i just did a stupid_

_i think_

_because I was joking but you know how that gies_

_anyway so margaery from your polisci class now thinks were dating_

_sorry_

  
  
  


5:07 PM. Thursday, December 14.

_WHAT_

_i didnt mean to!!!!_

_I like Margaery!!!_

_Like, like-like her_

_you used like too many times_

_its not a word anymore_

_Oh fuck off_

  
  
  


3:28 PM. Friday, December 15.

_Movie night?_

_pacific rim?_

_And legally blonde_

_ill bring the popcorn_

  
  
  


11:56 AM. Sunday, December 17.

_Theon we’re both so stupid_

_oh don’t tell me_

_I drunk-texted Arya last night_

_fuck_

_Yeah_

_how deep are we in now_

_[screenshot19.jpeg]_

_I think we’re actually going to have break up_

_this makes me feel generally less terrible about the news i have_

_Oh no_

_oh yes_

_creepy guy was back and i told him i had a gf_

_which mwant saying who that was to my coworker_

_Maybe we won’t break up_

_Maybe we’ll just have a whole damn fake wedding_

_at the rate were going we should just embrace it_

_Which coworker?_

_jaime_

_Fuck._

_yeah_

  
  
  


5:03 PM. Saturday, December 23.

_Brienne congratulated me this morning_

_I hate myself_

_No._

_I am frustrated with the situation I have caused_

_ok_

_Anyway, now that my whole workplace knows we’re together, wanna be my date?_

_There’s free food_

_to which thing_

_and do i have to wear a tie_

_The stupid holiday thing on Thursday night_

_And no, but your shirt needs a collar_

_you have to go to that? you dont even follow the 7_

_I don't, but I do eventually want a real job_

_sure_

_do i bring popcorn_

_Asfjgdrvh_

  
  
  


7:36 PM. Thursday, December 28.

_we need to break up_

_your work is evil_

_It’s the capitalism_

_do you even get paid for this_

_why are you here if you arent getting paid_

_Just go hide in the corner with Jaime and Brienne_

_which one_

_Look for the largest potted plant you can find_

_And go there_

  
  
  


7:43 PM. Thursday, December 28.

_found it_

  
  
  


7:51 PM. Thursday, December 28.

_this is the party corner_

_lannister brought alcohol_

  
  
  


8:09 PM. Thursday, December 28.

_Theon no_

_theon yes_

  
  
  


9:07 PM. Thursday, December 28.

_Ok it’s go time_

_Freedom!!!!_

_wheer r u_

_Coat rack_

  
  
  


3:01 PM. Friday, January 5.

_movie night?_

_I’ve got an essay_

_Tomorrow?_

_works for me_

_Can we do it at your place_

_something wrong?_

_I just need to mope in person_

_The walls are thinner than paper_

_And Saturday means Elinor and Alyn are in All Day Long_

_Yikes_

_im bringing coffee from that place you like_

_you in the library or your dorm?_

_Library_

  
  
  


10:02 AM. Monday, January 8.

_When’s your class over?_

_half annhour_

_why_

_I took your jacket back with me_

_…this is why everybody believes were dating_

_isnt it_

_Yeah probably_

_Friendship is Gere_

_*great like that_

  
  
  


11:16 AM. Monday, January 8.

_wait whyd you give it back_

_What?_

_you never give my stuff back_

_No reason_

_try again_

_I’m in a group project with Margaery and showing up in my ‘boyfriends’ clearly not my jacket is a great look for a girl I wanna date_

_and we havent broken yp because_

_It made my mum Really, Really happy_

_And having to admit I lied to her is terrifying_

_thats fair_

_its not like im dating anyway_

_and admitting to robb i lied is equally terrifying_

_Oh gods Robb_

  
  
  


9:04 AM. Wednesday, January 17.

_why is jaime_

_Wonderful question_

_hes so fuckin_

_A complete thought_

_[screenshot246.jpeg]_

_Oh gods_

_yeah_

_were in too deep_

_Yeah_

_ill see if yara has the fa,ily ring anywhere_

_Oh gods_

_Yara Greyjoy is going to be at my wedding_

_im torn between defending her as family_

_and understanding how entirely fair that is_

  
  
  


1:58 PM. Monday, January 23. 

_She’s so pretty_

_uh huh_

_I’m very gay_

_mood_

  
  
  


1:07 AM. Tuesday, January 24.

_hey are you awake_

_Yeah_

_What’s up_

_can i call you_

_its too quiet and im freaking out_

_Always_

  
  
  


2:17 PM. Monday, January 30.

_Group projects suck_

_?_

_Group members three and four aren’t every showing up anymore_

*even 

_So it’s just me and Margaery doing all the work_

_And I’m pissed_

_Also: just me and Margaery_

_oof_

_Just two more weeks_

_you could just go for it_

_No, she tells her brother everything and his bf is a friend of Jon’s_

_ah_

_no ‘cheating’ for sansa_

_you got this_

_i on the other hand_

_need so many naps_

_Wait what’s wrong_

_i got scheduled onto the night shift_

_Is your boss screwing with your hours on purpose again?_

_no_

_everybody got screwed this time_

_he let his weirdo kid do the scheduling or sometgibg_

_family business or whatever_

_Movie night?_

_winter soldier?_

_Ok I know it’s tradition to do a chick flick with it_

_But cap marathon?_

_as long as you dont make me watch civil war_

_I’d have to make me watch it too_

_So no, never_

_ill bring the popcorn_

  
  
  


11:27 AM. Friday, February 5.

_we’ve gone too far_

_I take it Robb gave you the invite_

_i havent been to a stark family function since_

_high school?_

_No you came to that one just after you started uni_

_With aunt Lysa?_

_oh shit yeah_

_You’re a Serious Significant Other now tho_

_Which means a holiday weekend gets an invite_

_what do you want me to say_

_I mean are you okay with coming?_

_Are you free?_

_maybe and yeah_

_what would i do_

_Be Theon?_

_Let my mum ask relationship questions and endure a few threats?_

_Because all my other entanglements have been legitimately terrible_

_And my siblings are overprotective now_

_im aware_

_no extra kissing?_

_I’d rather not_

_But we’d need to huh?_

_ugh_

_but it would mean free cuddles_

_and free food_

_And you could go see Yara in person?_

_Without paying for transport_

_wait your parents are paying for our tickets_

_hell yeah im in if you are_

_Well it’s that or ‘we broke up’_

_Which would be impossible to deal with on such short notice_

  
  
  


7:43 PM. Thursday, February 11.

_Hey are you packed_

_yeah_

_Toothbrush?_

_Socks?_

_Charger?_

_what are you, my mum_

_Nervously as hell is what I am_

_sorty_

_*sorry_

_and socks have now been added to my bag, so_

_I was being frustrating too_

_It’s not just your fault, and I’m sorry_

_OH FUCK MY LAUNDRY_

_ahdficfnvgf_

_sansa stop_

_What?_

_take a deep breath_

_go next door and ask them to hdlp_

_youre gonna freak if you dont_

_Ok_

  
  
  


8:29 PM. Thursday, February 11.

_Theon everything is terrible and girls are pretty_

_that seems contradictory_

_Ah, but when you get flustered by the sight of a pretty girl_

_Who happens to be hanging out with her cousin_

_And then she’s NICE_

_And tells you that no, they’d love to help with your laundry_

_And so you get even more flustered_

_And then you tell her that you're freaked because you're introducing your parents to YOUR BOYFRIEND_

_And then you have to correct yourself_

_And ramble about how they’ve known him a long time_

_And really it’s wonderful how he’s a part of the family already_

_And LIE YOUR ASS OFF to a pretty girl, RUINING your chances of ever getting a date with her_

_They really aren’t_

_Yikes_

_And then you get to thinking about all the shitty stuff_

_That’s happened in your romantic relationships_

_And spiralling_

_And it turns out that I’m kind of freaking out properly right now?_

_do you want me to come over or do you want to be alone_

_Can I come over there instead?_

_yeah of course_

_are you ok to drive_

_Right_

_I’ll call a cab_

_do you want me to?_

_No I can_

_Ok nevermind, please do_

_k_

  
  
  


5:38 PM. Friday, February 12. 

_robbs FACE_

_Huh?_

_after you went upstairs_

_he got this look like his world was crumbling_

_Ashcgsz_

_Go us?_

_oh gods hes forgotten i can hear thru the vent_

_hes trying to defend our right to cuddle_

_“mum they really dont need seprate rooms”_

_“mum tyoure making this way more awkward”_

_“people who are gotether make out”_

_Oh gods Robb no_

_Don’t make any of us think about it more_

_dont you want to snuggle me sansa?_

_Oh I most definetakfvnesxk_

_Arya._

_i heard_

_Jigs not up yet though_

_eyyyyy_

  
  
  


10:25 AM. Saturday, February 13.

_are you good_

_Yeah_

_Why?_

_just seemed off earlier_

_I still want to tell her_

_I’m not going to freak, I’m just a little nervous_

_i had plans w yara_

_but they can be moved really easily_

_do you want to come with us or do you want me here_

_ir what_

_I don’t want to intrude on sibling time_

_nah_

_we could always use another drinking buddy_

_I’ll get_

_Theon are you texting me in the bath_

_no_

_maybe_

_By the old gods and the fucking new_

_maybe less with the shouting my name_

_your mum already has issues with our theoretical sex life_

_my case is waterproof its fine_

_ok wow, incalled for_

  
  
  


6:57 PM. Saturday, February 13.

_sansa bran just cmae for my fucking soul over this_

_and then rickon threatened the rest of me_

_and arya hasny even said anything_

_we might just have to break up because of the threats_

_!!!!!!!_

_…_

  
  
  


8:03 PM. Saturday, February 13.

_hey sansa?_

_I didn’t read them and I’d just come out to my parents ok_

_you in your room_

_Yeah_

  
  
  


11:28 AM. Sunday, February 14.

_I’m writing you a text_

_what the fuck_

_We’re the kind of couple who texts while in the same room_

_sure_

_Smile, like you just thought about Robb and that potato_

_well now I HAVE_

_Satisfactory_

_We will continue during dinner_

_because?_

_My mother asks relationship questions, I told you_

  
  
  


10:41 PM. Sunday, February 14.

_texting late at night, definitely ‘going to break up’ behavior_

_Texting late at night about your plans to break up though?_

_oh hell yeah_

_but if anyone asks you look ambarrassed as fuck_

_Yeah, well,_

  
  
  


8: 55 AM. Tuesday, February 16.

_i still say we go with arya as our reason_

_And I still say that Jon will show up to tell you to fight for me if we say that_

_girls terrifying_

  
  
  


8:47 PM. Thursday, February 18.

_What abut work?_

_*about_

_You work too much, I work for a soulless hell pit_

_no robb would call thht in a second_

  
  
  


2:58 AM. Sunday, February 21.

_i cheTed?_

_They would, quite literally, never find your body_

  
  
  


7:17 PM. Sunday, February 21.

_I wanted kids/marriage, you noped?_

_you dont actually want to take a long ‘recovery’ period_

  
  
  


11:07 PM. Wednesday, February 24.

_we tried moving in, our tics pissed each other off?_

_We lived together when I was fifteen_

_If seventeen year old Theon and bonus Arya didn’t kill me_

4:37 AM. Saturday, February 27.

_I’m secretly a space alien, and therefore we can’t explain and are forced to give blank refusals every time someone asks_

_YES_

  
  
  


9:38 AM. Saturday, March 6.

_neother of us will agree on what happened, but we construct an unreliable narrative of a fight that never happened_

_My siblings would side with me automatically_

1:44 PM. Monday, March 8.

_We’ve been growing apart_

_every talk is a fight_

_And really, removing romance from the equation…_

_friendship just worked so much better_

_It was good for a while, but not anymore_

_i still care about her a lot, and we both agreed on this_

  
  
  


9:30 AM. Friday, March 12.

_movie night?_

_Mad max?_

_and little women_

_I’ll make popcorn_

_You really stretch the boundaries of ‘chick flick’ sometimes_

_its about women!!! right there in the title!!! and i felt emotions!!!!!_

8:24 AM. Saturday, March 13.

_Sorry about last night_

_there is no way that was your fault_

_-Elinor Tyrell, my neighbor_

_You got on that fast_

_ok it was HER fault but its whatever_

  
  
  


6:07 PM. Friday, March 26.

_My poli-sci professor hates me_

_?_

_Partner essay. Me and Margaery. Hell on earth._

_hey no this is your chance_

_Margaery as in ‘thinks I’m head over heels for you’ Margaery_

_As in ‘was an anxious wreck around her’ Margaery_

_as in totally tried to help me flirt with a dude during psych margaery_

_last week_

_so shes aware that thats done_

_Unless she never connected the dots and thinks that my bf and your Sansa are unrelated_

_You know how many people are named Sansa?_

_you never know unless you go for it_

_Oh, fuck off_


End file.
